Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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