dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
