why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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