so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
