My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
