so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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