I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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