i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
