She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We need a shit load of segways right now
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Couch. On fire.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
