I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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