I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
