His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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