His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
