sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
