im six kinds of drunk right now
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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