Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
