Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
