Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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