I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
