i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
