TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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