you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
