Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
