she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
