I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
