he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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