I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
