More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
