I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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