walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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