You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
