nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
