your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He kissed a someone with a penis
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
