When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
