First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
