I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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