Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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