Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
