yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
