Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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