I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
