Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
