How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
