From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
