omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
