I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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