oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
