you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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