i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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