playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
