I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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