Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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