Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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