I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
