A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
