problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
