i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He did a backflip because drugs
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