we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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