i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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