omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
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You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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