I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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