so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Randomize
