There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
4 words: hood of his car
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
