So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
