Sry I called you an 8
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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