god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
