and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
only you would photoshop your dick
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
