I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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