Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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