I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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