Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize