I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
