The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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