What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
