We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wear drunk well.
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