I will die if light touches me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
