Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Less talking, more tequila
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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